Feb 28, 2007

Spontaneity





Took Soumya to library today because I want books to be one of our many common bonds. 

How will it be to share my thoughts with someone who is twenty-seven years younger?

…She seemed enchanted by those engaging picture books for kids in the library. She pulled out books from the lower shelves and sprawled on the floor, mesmerized, transported to another world. 

I envied her for her spontaneity….

As Hugh Prather says in 'I touch the earth the earth touches me'…

"
There were seventy five people in the lobby and only a seven year old girl was finding out what it felt like to sit on a marble floor."

Just.....





..... what do I like?

Quiet, silent time for myself when I sit in front of the computer…talking through the nimble fingers…weaving a world of my own…..baring my soul to the machine before me...and connecting with more souls than I have ever imagined!

Laughing with Soumya
about nothing and everything…trying to be her fairy godmother, goblin and the big Bad wolf…and revelling in her vivacity of life !

Watching Oprah with my nth cup of tea, recapturing my essence, which I seem to have lost….

Hearing about Uday's day at work, after an exhausting love-making session …trying to imagine if I could fit into the corporate environment again!

Arranging that favourite pillow in comfortable position and just dreaming….

Reading, surfing and trying to understand how I have changed over the years …

Being that ‘ready-to-take-on-the-world Spitfire’ 

OR 

Lost in the labyrinth of ‘being a multitasking home maker'

Or 
Just happily being 

A nobody ....


Feb 24, 2007

The essence of taste!




Have you ever wondered how words can almost never capture the essence of "taste”? So many paeans have been written in favor of " the eloquent eyes" and "the lustrous hair", "the tongue" has sadly missed out on the ratings game!


Can you ever recreate the zing of पानीपूरी, which you tasted in your neighborhood thela as a child?

How would you appraise the lingering sweetness, the syrupy crispness of hot delicious जलेबी of the nukkad halwai, which transported you straight to the culinary heaven?


How would you measure the warmth you felt while sipping the कुल्ल्हर की chai with your dad while he explained 'what being a man meant’ on some obscure railway station, some many many years ago?


Can you ever forget the midnight forays into Maggi noodles, toast and black tea in your hostel room , which tasted nothing short of divine ambrosia at that ungodly hour…


The perfect chicken tandoori and the first bottle of rum you had in that roadside dhaba somewhere on the Delhi--Chandigarh highway which did more than quench your hunger and thirst!


The first burnt chappati of your wife cooked in frustration, but eaten with relish and all the emotions which would appear bland if expressed in words…


The taste of the first glass of निम्बू पानी which your seven year old daughter prepared for you...


Can you ever recapture the unparalleled uniqueness of what you have tasted, through trite words?

Tattered night-gown and the hole in the arm-pit !



Feel totally out of touch with the “SAAS-BAHU”sagas on television nowadays.

More than once have found myself to be the odd-man out among friends who vociferously defend the Tulsis and Parvatis and participate in their lives!

For one, do not have a saas, 
just a very understanding father-in-law...

Also just do not have the heart to sit and squirm in my tattered nightgown and 
watch the oh-so-noble-and-perfect kanjeevaram clad bahus.

Maybe I HAVE given up the pretence of being a “ NICE” girl

HELL, it’s more fun being ME

confused 
irritable
bitchy 
scattered 

and 

imperfect ….

the tattered nightgown with it’s hole under the armpit !

No Hurry ...

As I drove to drop Soumya to school I marveled at how the cars, buses had arranged themselves on the road.
Everyone seemed in a hurry to go somewhere
Everyone looked purposeful 

and ready to go somewhere, 
anywhere...
to do something…screaming , scurrying...honking !!


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… The driver honked impatiently. " Sahib, these sheep always come in the way and disrupt traffic." We were on our way to Rohtang pass near Manali, looking forward to a good vacation. A large flock of sheep in front of us sauntered haphazardly, absolutely in no hurry!

Everyone looked content just lazing, 
content in being nowhere
relaxed and unconcerned
There was no hurry ...

Pencil sharpenings

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As children, I remember how we used to sharpen our blunt HB Apsara pencils to needlelike points.

Layers of sharpenings would fall to reveal newer surfaces, sharper tips: every blunt point meant that another sharpening session was long overdue.

…Journey in life has been very similar.

 While the sharp points of accolades and triumphs have added joy to every moment, the greatest breakthroughs have come from the blunt ends, the frustrated moments of low self-esteem, from the so-called failures. 

Every closed door has lead to a window of opportunity in personal transformation. 

Every sharpening has revealed some resplendent part inside of me, a very important part that had been kept under wraps

Jan 30, 2007

Being a mother

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There are eight of us who regularly come to pick up our girls from school…
eight agitated, unfulfilled homemakers.

All of us discuss " the something more" which we would love to do when our daughters grow up…


Lament over the Doctorates and Masters which have been replaced by PTA meetings and car pools ever since motherhood has come knocking.


There is a sense of deep anguish over wasted education.

Does one tend to define one's life by his job?

Why doesn't being a mother quench the yearning of the Soul?

Stepping out...



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This Sunday , I finally picked up the dusty old walking shoes, took the car out and drove down to the beach for THE WALK ON THE BEACH !

Been symbolic


this walk on the beach...

Been wanting to do this for a long time,

Do not know why I resisted doing that...

Love being with myself, 
and near water 

My favorite place to be with my thoughts ...

Was simple enough and a little anti-climactic !

Is stepping out of your comfort zone,

so simple...?

A teardrop

Was that a drop of tear I saw glistening near his eyes? I will never know because he turned his face away, as soon as he heard th...