I have been reflecting upon my changing relationship with Soumya.
She has been extremely excited that she turned thirteen this January.
I have been happy for her!
However, this momentous event of her life has also left me a little confused...
How do I relate to her, now ?
I can't baby her or talk down to her...
she rebels!!!!!!!!
and I am usually at the receiving end of this rebellion...
She is not an adult, though she says she can't wait to "grow UP"
One part of me is becoming more and more aware that I am mothering not a 13 year old teenager, but an image of my daughter!
I so desperately want to understand her changing needs, but I do not know who my daughter is, any more !!
Richard Brown of Naropa University says it so beautifully,
Children need our attention. But they are harmed if we smother them with well-intended, but self-serving attention. Children need us to be genuinely present with them; to be appropriate in that moment of life. We need to let go of our point of view and become them for that instant.
Such selflessness is not easy. We protect ourselves from the rawness of childhood with an armor of ideas, projects, and strategies.... We need to have the dignity and humility to look into the eyes of the children and not be afraid to see them exactly as they are.
We must nourish children for their own sake, not just so they will live according to our view of childhood, no matter how noble the view."
We must nourish children for their own sake, not just so they will live according to our view of childhood, no matter how noble the view."
3 comments:
I like this blog. Only that there is a gender change in my case! I have a 13 year old son and am grappling with the metamorphosism.. You have nicely put the challenge across.
PS: I am a father. There is a little more to write about fatherhood. But as usual, I am not expressive:)
Thank you, Sudhakar for your kind words! Maybe some of us as parents do have an advantage of being expressive with our children. Can't say that works all the time,for me, though...
There are times I feel I do not allow the relationship with my daughter to just develop, raw edges and all ( as happens with any new relationship)....I am so conscious of being a mother and doling out instructions, philosophies, do's and dont's of life.
Just staying quiet and watching yr child emerge as an adult is also an art and I envy you for that!
Shally, you are right in saying we have an advantage to be expressive with our children. Certain things which I could not express as a child, I could relate to his dilemmas and emphathize.
It is not so easy to be quiet! Like Mother - Daughter relationship, Father - Son relation is unique. He looks at you as a guide of his own gender and you are to play the game carefully( as you said about the raw edges) and consciously. It is fun. It allows you to mature.
My blog is http://sudhathoughts.blogspot.com
When you have time, walk in!
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