Happily ever after....

Amidst the thick of the legal case for repossession of my house in Pune  which had been illegally occupied,

I kept wishing for the clouds of legal mess to disappear...

That Monsieur Alladin would 

rub his chirag three times and 

Abracadabra choo...

I would be back home in Mumbai ! 



Lounging in my fav jammies,

Sitting in my favourite corner of the house,

Sipping my adrak-elaichi-saunf chai.....

Listening to the koyal cooing 

Humming my favorite song....

And the world would be purrfect!


All legalities thrashed out and neatly tied up in A3 legal paper.



Order! Order ! 

And I declare the case closed in favour of Mrs Shally Khedkar !



Unfortunately life doesn’t dish out 

The 

Happily Ever After, thus!



There were those numerous wee hours in the morning resistant times to travel from Mumbai to Pune , through the years...



Emotional churning as I dreaded the courts with their indifferent clerks and noisy whirring fans , the police chowkis with their dirty toilets and  handcuffed criminals.



The endless wait for justice for over seven long years 

A simple close and shut case-

Which dragged 

Tareekh pay tareekh, through all the change of judges and seasons



Happily Ever After 

is a misnomer...

deceptive...

Two dimensional !

Fairy tale like phrase...

Closer to castles in air, 

And clouds on which it floats- 

And knights in shining armor who are fictional!

My interaction made me connect instead, to ground realities! 

To friends and family who were with me through thick and thin....ugly and grim!

Some exceptional ones who were sensitive to my emotional turmoil, and did not pay lip-service, philosophise or advise  but humbled me with their commitment, empathy and/or steady presence in the paan-stained walls of the court/ or the rat-infested police station 

Amidst the grime and sweat filled court rooms with stacks of pending files and hard-core criminal filled police stations, I saw some extraordinarily devoted lawyers, officials who stood tall for serving integrity, speedy justice, and hope....no matter what! 


Above all 
I saw myself growing  in courage and strength, way beyond I had imagined myself...EVER
From a teary- eyed housewife who trembled with fear at the first interrogation in court, I saw the emergence of steely determination in my spine, ready to look anyone in the eye.... even life!


My hair greyed,

but I truly grew wiser



I still believe in fairy tales and its happily ever after, 

But they come with 

a kahani-main-twist clause: 

of support, love and growth intertwined 

with struggle , despondency and fear...

Its all a part of the game!


And this sounds like reality, I support and endorse!

The nest is empty......but does my life have to be so ?

Soumya's going away  to the University was tough....
rather I made Soumya's leaving for the University tough for myself!

Initially I would spend time in her room
to feel her presence and to fill the void,
reminiscing over the times we spent together...
brooding over the emptiness I felt in her absence.

I tried
retail therapy
mindless chatter on whatsapp

just something
to fill the hours which
seemed
to stretch on and on

Over the weeks, months and years 
I realised how much I had used my daughter as a surrogate, 
to define and live my short term goals and long term dreams!

No one asked me to do so,
it just felt easy :

in the Comfort Zone ...
playing the Mommy !

being worried about the grades, courses to take in the university, emotional highs and lows in school and the junk food intake of a growing teenager....

rather than looking at deeper, maybe more real questions of life, for myself :

How do I add more meaning to my life and to those of others around me?

What work/role brings joy to me 
and more importantly , what am I doing to pursue it?

Slowly it has begun dawning on me that
loneliness and restlessness inside of me are
nothing
but

a Reality Check to connect to

Who I really am :

Beyond
a friend
a daughter
a team player
a lover
a wife
and a mother.....

Some use travel, others mindless chatter, food, templatized fun life....
to deflect from visiting this space of inquiry of truly who they are , sans all the roles and titles

I have used my motherhood!

The nest may be empty today...
but life is still full of all the meaning that I can choose to create in it now!