Soumya's going away to the University was tough....rather I made Soumya's leaving for the University tough for myself!
Initially I would spend time in her room
to feel her presence and to fill the void,
reminiscing over the times we spent together...
brooding over the emptiness I felt in her absence.
to feel her presence and to fill the void,
reminiscing over the times we spent together...
brooding over the emptiness I felt in her absence.
I tried
retail therapy
mindless chatter on whatsapp
just something
to fill the hours which
seemed
to stretch on and on
Over the weeks, months and years
I realised how much I had used my daughter as a surrogate,
to define and live my short term goals and long term dreams!
No one asked me to do so,
it just felt easy :
in the Comfort Zone ...
playing the Mommy !
being worried about the grades, courses to take in the university, emotional highs and lows in school and the junk food intake of a growing teenager....
rather than looking at deeper, maybe more real questions of life, for myself :
How do I add more meaning to my life and to those of others around me?
What work/role brings joy to me
and more importantly , what am I doing to pursue it?
Slowly it has begun dawning on me that
loneliness and restlessness inside of me are
nothing
but
a Reality Check to connect to
Who I really am :
Beyond
a friend
a daughter
a team player
a lover
a wife
and a mother.....
Some use travel, others mindless chatter, food, templatized fun life....
to deflect from visiting this space of inquiry of truly who they are , sans all the roles and titles
I have used my motherhood!
The nest may be empty today...
but life is still full of all the meaning that I can choose to create in it now!
retail therapy
mindless chatter on whatsapp
just something
to fill the hours which
seemed
to stretch on and on
Over the weeks, months and years
I realised how much I had used my daughter as a surrogate,
to define and live my short term goals and long term dreams!
No one asked me to do so,
it just felt easy :
in the Comfort Zone ...
playing the Mommy !
being worried about the grades, courses to take in the university, emotional highs and lows in school and the junk food intake of a growing teenager....
rather than looking at deeper, maybe more real questions of life, for myself :
How do I add more meaning to my life and to those of others around me?
What work/role brings joy to me
and more importantly , what am I doing to pursue it?
Slowly it has begun dawning on me that
loneliness and restlessness inside of me are
nothing
but
a Reality Check to connect to
Who I really am :
Beyond
a friend
a daughter
a team player
a lover
a wife
and a mother.....
Some use travel, others mindless chatter, food, templatized fun life....
to deflect from visiting this space of inquiry of truly who they are , sans all the roles and titles
I have used my motherhood!
The nest may be empty today...
but life is still full of all the meaning that I can choose to create in it now!
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