I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!

http://unsplash.com

Many of my conversations/actions happen in my head...

technicolor, vivid and in all ernest! 

The list is endless :

recipes which need to be organised
books which need to be sorted
documents which need to be purged
cupboard which needs to be cleared
projects which need to be completed
hurts which need to be expressed...

and truth be told, I don't really want to do them :)

Why add to the clutter and just admit the obvious: 

I DON"T WANT TO DO IT !

Simplifies life!!

"I see two smart reactions to this:
Stop lying to yourself, and admit your real priorities.
Start doing what you say you want, and see if it’s really true."

~ Derek Sivers~

https://sivers.org/arv

Just not me

https ://unsplash.com

Its so seductive to live in the "glorious past" 

and the "glorious titles or roles' which defined me in the good ol' days ..
Some titles make me appear taller than I am...

Ahem! and more important...
and some.....well, they are just NOT ME , in my current avatar...

but are present, like an addendum...an afterthought!

Some of my Ad nauseaum titles which are pulled out as trump card but longer resonate with me, today are :

Academic Achiever & School Captain ( 35 + years back :)

Entrepreneur ( All of 17 years ago)

Rubble rouser & Dabbler at work ( All of my professional life LOL )

Hoarder ( practically all of my life )

Today as I embark upon a journey of simplicity and meaning, time to expire and knock off titles which have outlived their use.

Check out this wonderful article, which delves deeper into this 

https://sivers.org/expire

'Ring out the Old....so that you can Ring in the New' !

The art of stillness

https://unsplash.com

'In an age of speed, I began to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow. In an age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.'
~Pico Iyer~

Its been a while, that the need to slow down has been knocking hard....
Permeating every moment when I am harried and rushing through the day

Pulling me back when I want to multitask mindlessly

Egging me on 

To        
Slow down 
and chill....
And become more attentive!

What's there to rush like this???

My body decided to join in this coaxing and cajoling : 
Fell off the stairs whilst I was climbing , a few days back...The foot hurt badly and ego was badly bruised 😉 !

What seemed like a small cut was actually a deeper wound requiring immediate attention and stitching up.

Doctor was categorical in his verdict - Complete bed rest for a fortnight and a strong dose of painkillers! Your world will not stop! 

No, it won't....

'Ahem, Really?'

I have been playing the 'grounded kabootar' ever since...

Trying hard Not to move or to DO anything which adds pressure to the hurt foot.

Playing a 'patient' patient

Allowing everyone time to attend to me after I holler for the nth time!

Its not helping that I had decided just last month to do a facebook/whatsapp detox and wean myself from inane conversations and peripheral connections on social media....

Becoming aware how difficult it has become to quieten down and listen to my inner voice- Practicing the art of stillness! 

OhYes........

' in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still!'

One of those days...

Yesterday was one of those days:

A faceoff with my judgments and shadows...

Woke up feeling dreary 
Despite the bright cheerful sun
And the awesomely blue sky outside

You know, that happens

kabhi kabhi ???

Ruined a perfect omelette...
with extra oil and salt
And anger....ainveyi...

Snapped for no reason
At every creature who had the audacity to cross my path!
Upset that everyone looked so bright and chirpy....
And no....

I could not blame

"Those days of the month!"

Unlike in the past, where I would launch into a tirade of emotions when I felt thus,
This time
I just kept quiet

n the irritation simmered somewhere in the background....

A few hours later

whilst watching the interplay of waves and
our shadows
as we sat on the rocks,
Watching the seagulls n distant white sailing boat in the beautiful Dawlish Beach...
... it struck me....

I have struggling so hard to maintain this
perfectly coiffured image
of a perfectly balanced person....

Like the perfectly photoshopped images on Facebook

Always smiling
Always achieving
Always living it up and having a good time

This cranky part of me
Which snaps and bitches
Hollers and simmers
through the
Duniya jala daalongi moods at times

Is all hidden from the world

Oh so much of a burden.....!!!

When the shadows and bitchiness can be embraced as effortlessly...

The seagull which I had been admiring in the blue sky just a wee while ago, swooped down and snatched the dinner roll in my hand...

Such a mean b****!!

Wanderlust....

Restlessness creeps in

the desire to go somewhere...

Travelling....
exploring new lands

or revisiting the familiar mohallas from the past

connecting with people: familiar faces or strangers
or myself ...

the urge TO DO something meaningful with my life ..
And have new experiences...
Not in the pompous " I want to heal/change/improve the world " way..

but being more 
creative 
different 
colorful
exciting 
invigorating 
compassionate 
caring
Messy sometimes... 
and 
being more HUMAN , for sure !!!!

Am I an inveterate butterfly, moving from experience to experience
or 
Just a traveller? 

Exploring
inside
and
outside

Honoring the traveller within :)

It's taken time , many years and places....

Uploaded from http://unsplash.com

Now I become myself

It's taken Time, 

many years and places;

I have been dissolved and shaken,

Worn other people's faces...

~May Sarton~

Sometimes...
Instead of exhilaration,
there seems to be a sense of

What-the-hell-am-I doing with my life?

Is life
a dazed window shopping spree on a frenzied weekend?

Zombie surfing on whatsapp chats
feeding the imaginary pets,
scanning the newspapers for the latest break-ups in Bollywood
and having the predictable automated conversations in social dos where the entire evening is templatized, including the playlists and the drinks...

Running an imaginary treadmill of success, knowing fully well that it doesn't sustain the fire within?
Seeking a 'like' in every conversation, every relationship..
as if that pat will finally liberate the chained puppy inside!

Time to unpeel the mask
and say hello to the acne on my face
the restlessness in the heart
and the loneliness in the dark abyss of the soul

Befriend the shaky ordinary dreams which refuse to go away....

Persistent and determined

Doggedly nudging, cajoling,
Leading me like an awestruck child who sees the shooting star on the sky

and discovers the bliss within ...after chasing it for aeons outside

Time to lose myself....and become Me

Now there is time and Time is young.
O, in this single hour I live
All of myself and do not move.
I, pursued, who madly ran
Stand still, stand still, and stop in the sun.

~May Sarton~

Dismantling our truth

Add caption

“ If we are going through a major crisis, it means we are going through a major dismantling of reference points. There is nothing more creative than dismantling reference points, because the reference points do not represent the truth.” 

Stephen Schwartz

Anguish in the air is palpable…As a mother I feel it more because she is away from home in the university and yes, she was in a concert in London a few months back and is excited about another gig in December again, as I am sure the youngsters in the Bataclan Hall were…

Just another fun evening to enjoy and be with friends! 

Just that it ended in anything but…..As it did for other people in Paris, Beirut, Islamabad, Mumbai, Boston, NYC and the numerous other cities and townships across the world...

Can feel the helplessness and frustration in the discussions among friends, in WA groups and on media at large…

How else do people give a voice to something over which they have no control?

Who do they reach out to…for consolation and just to feel that things are FINE? 

We know very well it could have been any one of us…

I was, after all, one hour too early from the bomb which went off near the passport office in Worli in Mumbai blasts in 1993...

We were just fortunate…that we were not present at the wrong place at the wrong time!

Perhaps time to question more deeply…

Does it matter whether the terrorists were Greek or Syrian refugees?

Do we now prepare ourselves for the next city where indiscriminate gunshots/bomb blasts will terminate lives ?

What is escalating this organised terrorism?

What leads seemingly sane youth to commit heinous crimes such as these?

What socio-political and economic dynamics fuels this phenomena …how else is it burgeoning so rampantly?

Are we so blind that we do not know that proliferation of weapons and encouraging jihad in one region will reverberate with hatred elsewhere? 

Who are these elusive politicians who are supposed to wave the magic wand and make the world “ a better place?” and for heavens sake, 'What is this “better place”?

Is retaliation and fighting back the only solution to such a barbaric act or do we think there is a quick-fix one-shot solution to terrorism or we have lost all hope of solution? 

This is not a crisis for one city and/or one nation/continent.

Whether we like it or not, terrorism and organised hate attacks are the new World Wars , completely a world wide phenomena and we can’t pretend to live in our safe havens…which aren’t anyway safe any more!!

Time for us to lift our buried heads and stop the pretence that ‘THIS' doesn’t impact us…

It does !!!!

Whether its a young boy who died as he was refused a refuge 

or a gun-toting jihadi who uses religion and hate as a refuge to exacerbate his hatred...

Time to dismantle our thoughts around hate politics,
divisiveness and rigid beliefs about ourselves
and the world we are living in
and to look at the truth more realistically and in the eye

Terrorism and divisiveness does not exist out there...
it is very much present inside us, in our unforgiving stances and unresolved hatred...
From the racism inside of us which wants to feel superior and rule over the other!

Perhaps small steps in resolving these resentment within
can contribute much more than jingoism and false hopes of candlelit marches!