Showing posts with label I am toh like this only. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I am toh like this only. Show all posts

Sep 10, 2018

Put plenty of heart into it ...by giving love away



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I have never really comprehended what an " IDEAL "  relationship is all about ?

This heartfelt note from Timber Hawkeye , Buddhist Bootcamp perhaps summarises how I want most of my relationships....specially the close ones 

“Relationships are often misunderstood to be a simple commitment between two people; 
a dedication to each other with a sense of belonging to one another. 

That kind of limited perspective breeds expectations, possessiveness and disappointment, and it reeks of ownership, greed, ignorance, and selfish desire.

A healthy relationship is an agreement between two people to support one another in their spiritual practice. It is a vow to encourage each other’s dedication, devotion and path, free from attachment or expectations (yet full of caring and compassion). 

A healthy relationship is based on unconditional love, not on the need to possess. 

Although you put plenty of “heart” into it, you lose nothing by giving love away.

If each person is equally dedicated to inspire, create, awaken, and enrich the lives of others, then there is no hidden agenda. 
It is far less important what one receives from the other than what one can give.

Intimacy would suddenly surpass warmth and tenderness to also include patience, vulnerability, honesty, active listening, understanding, connection, and unwavering trust.

There is a healing power inherent in this kind of union, and it is capable of enabling deep transformation for both people. It is an incredible opportunity[…]”

Excerpt From: Hawkeye, Timber. “Buddhist Boot Camp.”

May 22, 2018

Did you take my charger?



I had woken up late....
rushed out for an early morning work-out
and then client meeting in the far off Mumbai suburb!

It could be my pms
or my need of affection,
or that I was missing him
or countless other reasons...

but I wanted to just hear from him -

FIRST !

FOR A CHANGE....

and he did message me as soon as he woke up.....

DID YOU TAKE MY CHARGER?

I sheepishly rummaged my backpack.

I HAD taken his charger with me....

and he would be mad at me, just now
Madder than I have been in the past

when he took my charger with him, by mistake....

Making him squirm and feel guilty, all together !

I did not tell him that!

Nor did I say :
that I missed him, 
that I wished I was cuddled up right now with him, 
instead of bumping along the dusty suburbs of Thane

that I loved him...

I just said : Sorry !

Hoping he would understand

WOULD HE ?
Really ? 

Apr 27, 2018

Lights! Camera! Drama ! Peace !



Most of the people I meet 
want to be happy and peaceful...

"PEACEFUL" like the crosslegged-meditating Buddha
with a
beatific 
serene 
nonplussed smile,
watching the world pass by !

For me, this version of peace is fine
but it can also be
very unidimensional 

Breathing in 
Breathing out
Mindfully 

or so it seems....

Peace almost seems to be an autopilot, in this version
As if in a controlled laboratory 
Non explosive 
and Too perfect to be true!

My version of Peace is more in the market place

It is the momentary Breath I take on the diving board before I plunge into the depths of emotional chaos !

The centeredness amidst the intense unpredictable "Life can be such a b***h' moments.....

Peace for me, is connecting to reality not perfection...sometimes you can be angry as hell and peaceful, both together!

It is being equanimous amidst ups and downs.....
in the lows...not making life appear "More Challenging" than it is  
and in the highs, allowing the adrenaline moments float by nonchalantly ! 

Peace is that one breath I connect to amidst the s**ttiest of heartbreaks 
and that palm I squeeze with compassion, during my biggest of fights !

Peace is that one sip of hot chai in the middle of the 
cluttered 
disorganised room...

Peace has all the drama, yet a clarity !




Apr 22, 2018

Akele hain to kya gum hai


The Guest House


This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks


Loneliness and I had kept a distance from each other....
Till she decided to visit me four years back!

I have been your quintessential extrovert, till then :

Surrounding myself with
hazaar action
peppy social do's
constant social media noise
mindless shopping
general chatter and cacophony of life....all in good doses!

When Loneliness decided to make friends with me,
it threw me off guard .....to say the least.

I was stand-offish and judgemental, in the beginning :

" I AM NOT 'THAT' SORT OF PERSON!"

The more I resisted the cloud,
more it cloaked me in feelings of isolation, despondency and unworthiness....

Finally I relented and stopped fighting her

"Come, have some chai with me !"

Some early mornings and late evenings,
I  began inviting my Loneliness to sit across on the chatai...
minus the distraction of my smartphone or netflix...
nudging her to open up her heart to me.

Initially she was reticent and she camouflaged herself in the cloak of sadness....
but slowly she relented and began opening up - and HOW !

Her devotedness to make me learn and grow as a human being, surprised me.

I discovered parts of me which I had not seen before-

Beneath the veneer of fear of being alone
was a very strong courageous human
who was committed to give herself and contributing to the life fully....

The seemingly flippant and frivolous chatter-box
hid a heart longing to connect deeper with people and with life...

the restless actions had hidden that part of me, which actually revelled in stillness.

Loneliness may have been an uninvited guest , but she has become a wonderful dost  and guide !




Rambunctious & reflective inconsistencies

"If one wants really to live life in all its richness, one has to learn how to be inconsistent, how to be consistently inconsistent, how to be able to move from one extreme to another — sometimes rooted deep in the earth and sometimes flying high in heaven, sometimes making love and sometimes meditating.

And then, slowly slowly, your heaven and your earth will come closer and closer, 
and you will become the horizon where they meet." Osho

down in the dumps of loneliness or
high on the ebullience of connections

focussed on the goals for the quarter or
scattered and chaotically ambling along

quietly reflective in solitude or
rambunctiously dancing on Bollywood numbers....

time to make peace with inconsistencies as a norm,
rather than an exception.....
in life

Afterall, there is no consistent destination to go towards, but this moment!



Mar 19, 2018

Regular, boring, mundane chores.....


"An act in totality is reward in itself.

When your act is total, there is no reward except itself.


Whether you are drinking tea or painting a great painting

or playing music...

if the act is total, it is your reward."

Osho


I have been noticing how I start something with great gusto...
but the interest wanes as soon as something
more "profound"
more "glamorous "
or that which will get me more "taalis" comes up...

Regular, boring, mundane chores...

at home or work are usually ignored
and/or dealt with half-heartedness
and many a times

even dropped off like an orphan :)

There is obviously a hierarchy in my mind of what is important and not important !

Creating workshop collaterals for clients becomes more important
than cleaning the wardrobe.
Making that all important presentation for Social Media obviously gets priority
vis-a vis the daily meditation practice,
Bills are almost always paid last minute...
with the slowest of internet speed, buffering my irritation...
as I forgot where the minutes flew by in the all engrossing chat in the WhatsApp group !


In my mind some tasks will help me shine ,
others are the not-so-important irritants which need to be dealt with

Yet,
I do wonder...

If you can't take on the simple tasks in totality as you can, how can you conquer the big things? 

Mar 13, 2018

Reject or Accept : Rumbling Bumbling Cutie pie!



In another plane, another reality

I would be a slim, elegant lady
Waxing eloquent on philosophies of life...

Draped in a crisp off-white, silk sari
Not a hair out of place..
Just filling the room with her grace!

Rather than a Rumbling Bumbling Cutie pie....

My tears would be quietly and surreptitiously dabbed
with a tissue paper, from my waterproof-kohl lined eyes.
No dark, ungainly smudges there...

and no wiping the running nose with hands, for sure!

My slightly curved smile would make it to the cover of Vogue.
My husky measured voice would cause many a-hearts-a flutter,
And not go berserk in the loud hysterical sobs
or guffaws which shake the furniture!

My arguments would be clever and well articulated,
And not tumble out of my mouth
In sometimes shrill,
     sometimes garbled mess, with a life of their own!

My demeanour would be poised,
my emotions draped well on my body,
     well modulated, cohesive and controlled!
Not messy, chaotic and argumentative
     like a lady haggling in Versova fish market!

Yet the person staring at me in the mirror is :

Thodi plump
Thodi defiant
Sometimes messy...or bitchy,
with a dollop of mean streak ...

With a fiercely possessive heart....

AND.....

a

Rumbling Bumbling Cutie pie!

“I knew there was something peculiar about you," she said.
"And I mean that as the highest compliment."
I'd always known I was strange.
I never dreamed I was peculiar.
~Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
Ransom Riggs~

Mar 6, 2018

Famous : Just being myself






Almost nearing the golden jubilee of existence....
still wonder sometimes at what does
being Famous or
being Successful mean....

These words by Naomi Shihab Nye resound in my heart with their authenticity.

Famous 

"The river is famous to the fish.

The loud voice is famous to silence,
which knew it would inherit the earth
before anybody said so.

The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds
watching him from the birdhouse.

The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.

The idea you carry close to your bosom
is famous to your bosom.

The boot is famous to the earth,
more famous than the dress shoe,
which is famous only to floors.

The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it
and not at all famous to the one who is pictured.

I want to be famous to shuffling men
who smile while crossing streets,
sticky children in grocery lines,
famous as the one who smiled back.

I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,
but because it never forgot what it could do."



I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,

or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,

but because it never forgot what it could do.

Sep 23, 2017

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!


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Many of my conversations/actions happen in my head...
technicolor, vivid and in all ernest! 

The list is endless :
recipes which need to be organised
books which need to be sorted
documents which need to be purged
cupboard which needs to be cleared
projects which need to be completed
hurts which need to be expressed...

and truth be told, I don't really want to do them 
Why add to the clutter and just admit the obvious: 

I DON"T WANT TO DO IT !

Simplifies life!!

"I see two smart reactions to this:
Stop lying to yourself, and admit your real priorities.
Start doing what you say you want, and see if it’s really true."
~ Derek Sivers~

Sep 3, 2017

Just not me


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Its so seductive to live in the "glorious past" 
and the "glorious titles or roles' which defined me in the good ol' days ..
Some titles make me appear taller than I am...

Ahem! and more important...
and some.....well, they are just NOT ME , in my current avatar...

but are present, like an addendum...an afterthought!
Some of my Ad nauseaum titles which are pulled out as trump card but longer resonate with me, today are :
Academic Achiever & School Captain ( 35 + years back 
Entrepreneur ( All of 17 years ago)
Rubble rouser & Dabbler at work ( All of my professional life LOL )
Hoarder ( practically all of my life )
Today as I embark upon a journey of simplicity and meaning, time to expire and knock off titles which have outlived their use.
Check out this wonderful article, which delves deeper into this 
'Ring out the Old....so that you can Ring in the New' !

Jul 14, 2017

One of those days...

Yesterday was one of those days:
A faceoff with my judgments and shadows...
Woke up feeling dreary 
Despite the bright cheerful sun
And the awesomely blue sky outside
You know, that happens

kabhi kabhi ???

Ruined a perfect omelette...
with extra oil and salt
And anger....ainveyi...

Snapped for no reason
At every creature who had the audacity to cross my path!
Upset that everyone looked so bright and chirpy....
And no....

I could not blame

"Those days of the month!"

Unlike in the past, where I would launch into a tirade of emotions when I felt thus,
This time
I just kept quiet
n the irritation simmered somewhere in the background....
A few hours later
whilst watching the interplay of waves and
our shadows
as we sat on the rocks,
Watching the seagulls n distant white sailing boat in the beautiful Dawlish Beach...
... it struck me....

I have struggling so hard to maintain this
perfectly coiffured image
of a perfectly balanced person....

Like the perfectly photoshopped images on Facebook

Always smiling
Always achieving
Always living it up and having a good time
This cranky part of me
Which snaps and bitches
Hollers and simmers
through the
Duniya jala daalongi moods at times

Is all hidden from the world
Oh so much of a burden.....!!!

When the shadows and bitchiness can be embraced as effortlessly...

The seagull which I had been admiring in the blue sky just a wee while ago, swooped down and snatched the dinner roll in my hand...

Such a mean b****!!

Aug 15, 2015

Swantantrata Divas....What does it really mean to me?

“Dus ka do…Le lo Na, Didi.
Chalo discount main deti hoon,
Dus Ka teen!”

“Two for Rs ten!
Please buy.
I can give you discount.
Buy three for Rs ten.”

The sale of small paper flags at the traffic signals in Mumbai just before the Republic and Independence Day, is a common sight.

When Soumya was younger, we would enthusiastically buy these symbols of our Indian-ness, eager as I was, to teach her about her roots and what it means to be an Indian. Soon I realized that this was not a good idea!

Once the Independence Day was over, the flag lived a neglected, banished existence…rolling from one corner of the house, to other…gathering dust …and I did not know how to put it away. Throwing away the national flag in dustbin, even though it was a symbolic one, seemed discourteous…even blasphemous!!!

When I was younger, Independence Day meant the mandatory rising up early and going to school for the flag hoisting. I still get goosebumps when I recollect how, as the School Captain, I was made to hoist the flag in front of the School assembly.  Perhaps it was the thrill of being the chosen one… or the intangible sense of pride I felt, as I touched the rope and felt the marigold flowers being showered on my head, the feeling was electrifying...

Over the years 15th August for me has become one of those distinct days in August which has the most ‘happening’ Independence Day Sales in the shopping malls, or when it happens to fall on a Friday or a Monday, becomes that extended weekend when we can head to Goa or Matheran for a quick break from work.


With the advent of the social media, the celebration of Indianness is even more real time and in your face! The DPs are changed on 14th August midnight and the tricolor flashed on our Facebook pages to celebrate our bharatiyta. All of this lasts for a day, before the next festivity, the next flavor of the times, takes over!

I wonder what is the Indianness that I want to reflect on and celebrate this 69th year of Independence?

Is it the immense pride I experience when I hear that Sunder Pichai the newly appointed CEO of Google is an Indian by origin?  Or do I celebrate that India’s first Mars mission, which was blasted off in 2014 cost only Rs. 4.5 billion?

Do I feel embarrassed by the fact that India ranked 94th out of 176 countries in the Corruption Perception Index of a survey by Transparency International in 2013?

Or feel inspired that that there are people like Kailash Satyarthi who work hard and selflessly, almost unnoticed and unrecognized, till an international agency highlights their achievements?

Do I hang my head in shame and embarrassment when I watch the elected leaders of one of world’s largest democracy bicker and fight in the parliament house like irresponsible children?  

And then closer to home –

What is it that is Indian about me?

How do I define my connection to my unique roots?

I realize that paradoxes in the India that I live in are, perhaps, very akin to the contradictions, which exist inside me.

Perhaps the bharatiyta for me is the deepest sense of pride I feel in being connected to my roots, to this amazingly spirited and spiritual country, its eclectic take on life and its diversity. 

Like the collective, perhaps I am chasing some defunct ideals and principles which need to questioned, personalized and owned up to, rather than blindly accepted because they have been passed on from centuries.

There is an experience of abundance of love, connections and warmth in relationships here, yet there is stubbornness in taking responsibility and a dependency on others to deliver!

My Indianness is the whole chalta hai attitude... the inability to go down the route of commitment and discipline which can make me excel. It is this huge talent, yet a general disbelief around my capabilities.

Independence and connection to my Indianness in the truest sense would be to break the shackles of these beliefs…walk my talk and live my life from an authentic space!

Where I need to exercise my muscle, is the muscle of acceptance…the need to appreciate, embrace and even celebrate the different, the unusual, the nonconformist in me and others…rather than follow the obvious, run of the mill herd mentality.

Can I connect to what I truly believe about life, rituals and pass them onto Soumya and others with genuine connection and appreciation of how it plays out in my life? 

Can I stop conveniently hiding behind others, to shine? 

Can I for one, believe in my talent and ability to deliver as a mother, wife, daughter and a career woman and step out of the web of doubts?

On this Swantrata divas, time for me perhaps to connect to my personal and very unique take on my independence!



Mar 9, 2014

Woman : The Weaker Sex ?

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It is said that woman is the weaker sex, the one who is dominated by men and the world…. forced to do things against her wishes, oppressed and tortured...there is this whole conversation build around women empowerment.

Is woman really the WEAKER sex?

Maybe true…but is that the COMPLETE truth?

A woman has been powerful, more than she can ever imagine herself to be…

She has the power to conceive, to create, to nurture, to influence!

A woman is gifted with the emotions, the ability to nurture, to bring clans together, and create conversations around the dining table and deepen bonds …

As a lover she evokes the passion and love in the man; 
as a mother, the woman shapes her children and feeds them the story of life; 
as a wife she influences her husband, provides him inputs on different aspects of life; 
as a family person she binds the family and creates a foundation of love and support all around; 
as a career woman she brings in the emotional element in the otherwise logical world; 

She is the guiding force of life! 

She is that multi-tasker who can juggle a lot of roles with nonchalance and ease.

However, over the years, the woman has been misusing the gift of creation.

She controls her children and husband and uses love as a manipulating tool; she struggles with her in-laws and family members to maintain her position and power...She feels the need to hide behind manipulations and dramas at home and elsewhere: sometimes aggressively, sometimes quietly!

Instead of being the powerful creator that she is, she plays this I-am-powerless/confused/oppressed-please-help-me creature who feels the need to be rescued, to pitch one person against the other, playing sly-behind-the-scenes-verbal games to become powerful.

Instead of being the guiding force of life, she has become the guiding force of lies...

A child is born in love and truth, that is the only language it knows….it is upto the mother to guide the child in this journey and not feed its mind with thoughts of fear, scarcity and insecurities and her unmet ambitions.

A husband looks upto his wife to be the source of his strength and guidance, not someone who manipulates and unscrupulously influences him to meet her unfulfilled needs.

What if  a woman stops feeding in thoughts of insecurity and helplessness to those around her? 

What if she takes charge of her life and stops living her dreams through her children and husband?

What if she stops her sly manipulations and actually guides her family to love and truth?

What if the woman begins to live her truth and reclaim her power?

She can change herself, her family, the community she lives in, and the entire nation.

Maybe she can change the DNA of the civilization itself!

It is time we as women realize that we are not these helpless downtrodden creatures, but that we have the responsibility of guiding and influencing this and the coming generations, appropriately!

I know this, for I have been one too:  a quietly strong, sometimes manipulative woman struggling in my power games to be better than others!

I realize that I need to respect the gift of strength and creation,

which has been bestowed on me by life, as I am born a woman,

and create a generation of truth and love,

instead!

Aug 19, 2009

Unstructured time

It is so difficult to manage unstructured time.
Yet I don't think I would like to get back to the regular 9 to 5 routine.

When I quit my job, I asked Thiru if he had any advice for me

 "Manage your unstructured time well, " said he " or it will overwhelm you."

Twenty years later….
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It is so difficult to manage unstructured time.
Yet I don't think I would like to get back to the regular 9 to 5 routine.

Mar 17, 2009

sometimes i wonder

Sometimes I wonder how will life be when I am gone?

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Will my phone miss my resolute fingers as they tap away?

Will my morning cup of tea remember my sighs of appreciation?

Will the wonderful handloom prints recall my ecstatic caressing touch?

Will the pillow remember the numerous outpourings, late at night?

Will the moccasins miss the warmth of my feet?

Will the corner chair and the tall yellow lamp recall all the happy and sad moments, which it allowed me to outpour ?

Will the jackfruit tree recall how I cried out my loneliness to it , late into the night?

HOW WILL IT BE WHEN I AM GONE ?

Will i be gone ?

Feb 24, 2007

Tattered night-gown and the hole in the arm-pit !



Feel totally out of touch with the “SAAS-BAHU”sagas on television nowadays.

More than once have found myself to be the odd-man out among friends who vociferously defend the Tulsis and Parvatis and participate in their lives!

For one, do not have a saas, 
just a very understanding father-in-law...

Also just do not have the heart to sit and squirm in my tattered nightgown and 
watch the oh-so-noble-and-perfect kanjeevaram clad bahus.

Maybe I HAVE given up the pretence of being a “ NICE” girl

HELL, it’s more fun being ME

confused 
irritable
bitchy 
scattered 

and 

imperfect ….

the tattered nightgown with it’s hole under the armpit !

Jan 30, 2007

Stepping out...



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This Sunday , I finally picked up the dusty old walking shoes, took the car out and drove down to the beach for THE WALK ON THE BEACH !

Been symbolic


this walk on the beach...

Been wanting to do this for a long time,

Do not know why I resisted doing that...

Love being with myself, 
and near water 

My favorite place to be with my thoughts ...

Was simple enough and a little anti-climactic !

Is stepping out of your comfort zone,

so simple...?

A teardrop

Was that a drop of tear I saw glistening near his eyes? I will never know because he turned his face away, as soon as he heard th...